Using The Miracle Question To Clarify Your Goals And Make Them A Reality

Using The Miracle Question To Clarify Your Goals And Make Them A Reality

The Miracle Question is a powerful tool for clarifying your life goals (what do I really want), and making them a reality. It was originally created by the founder of Solution Focused Therapy – Insoo Kim Berg, but many argue that it originated long before as a hypnosis technique. Rather than one question, it is a series of questions that encourages you to describe in detail an ideal future and from there go backwards to the here and now, thus creating a path from where you are today all the way to your desired goal.

There are many ways to use this technique, i have designed the following version for reasons of simplicity and general usefulness. I have also included a sample answer (at the bottom of the post) to help clarify this process. To use this tool you will need to answer a number of questions. You could write down your answers, or answer them quietly in your mind. For best results, use as many details as you can.

The Miracle Question:

Let’s say you went to bed tonight and while you were sleeping a miracle took place, but since this occurred while you were asleep you have no idea that it even happened. When you wake up tomorrow morning:

  • Who would notice first that this miracle happened? Who would notice second? Third?
  • What would be the first thing you notice that would tell you that this miracle took place? How would that make a difference in your life? How else?
  • What would you do differently? What would you see, hear, and feel differently?
  • What would be the first thing your partner notices? Your kids? Your parents? Your friends?
  • What would they (partner, kids, parents, friends) do differently once they notice? How would that change things? How else?
  • What would be the second thing you notice? Third? How would those things make a difference for you?
  • When in your life have you experienced some of the things you are describing (even just a little bit)? What was different at that time? How did you manage to be able to do that?
  • On a scale of 0-10 where 10 = miracle, and zero = the worst it has ever been, where would you say you are now? What do you need to do to get from here to just the next increment? (if you are at a 3 how can you get to a 4?)
  • What small action can you take this week to get this started?

Sample Answer:

Let’s say you went to bed tonight and while you were sleeping a miracle took place, but since this occurred while you were asleep you have no idea that it even happened. When you wake up tomorrow morning:

  • Who would notice first that this miracle happened? I would be the first to notice Who would notice second? My husband and kids Third? People at work.
  • What would be the first thing you notice that would tell you that this miracle took place? The first thing i notice would be that i feel happy and light and i want to get out of bed and start my day How would that make a difference in your life? That would make a huge difference if i started my day like that. I would have a good attitude in everything i do, i would be nicer to people around me, i’d have more energy to take care of my body like go to the gym. How else? I would have more patience with my kids, i would drink less coffee, and have a good breakfast. I would be positive and helpful and a nicer person.
  • What would you do differently? I would have a smile on when i wake up the kids, maybe i would sit with them on the bed and talk and not rush to get to the chores. I would hug them and kiss them lots. Then i would wash my face so that i feel awake, maybe even do a couple of minutes of stretching. I would have a glass of water before i get my coffee, and make myself breakfast, not just for the kids. I would smile at my husband, and maybe give him a kiss. I would tell my family how much i appreciate them and I wouldn’t yell when the kids take too long with their chores. What would you see, hear, and feel differently? I would see and hear my children playing and being kids rather than being obnoxious and loud and messy. I would feel grateful rather than resentful and mad.
  • What would be the first thing your partner notices? He would notice the smile on my face, i’d probably be singing to myself too. He would notice that i am patient with the kids, and that i’m sitting down for breakfast and not running around with a grumpy face on. Your kids?They would notice that mommy is fun and is not yelling. They would love it . They would notice that I’m sitting with them for breakfast and smiling a lot. Your parents? My parents would notice that i don’t have my angry voice when i talk to them, and that i don’t get mad at everything they say. Your friends? My friends would notice that I am not complaining about my life so much and that I’m smiling and easy going.
  • What would they (partner, kids, parents, friends) do differently once they notice? The kids would be so happy- they would hug me and tell me how much they love me. They would probably behave better too and not freak out when i tell them to do something. My husband would have that goofy smile on his face and he would give me a kiss and tell me how much he loves me. He would probably come home early from work and help more around the house. How would that change things? How else? That would be so nice, it would make me feel good about myself as a mom and a wife and i wouldn’t feel guilty like i normally do. I would feel powerful and energized, maybe i’d register myself in a class or something like that – i’ve always wanted to take an art class.
  • What would be the second thing you notice? I would notice that when my mom calls i have patience for her and i don’t feel like she’s judging me. How would those things make a difference for you? I would feel good when i hang up the phone with her and not be so tired and deflated that i can’t deal with anyone else. 
  • When in your life have you experienced some of the things you are describing (even just a little bit)? I remember feeling like that when i was in my twenties – i felt like every day was a gift. What was different at that time? i didn’t have a husband and kids so i wasn’t busy all the time taking care of them. I had more time for myself, i took more risks (like registering for that art class). How did you manage to be able to do that? I felt more in control of my life so it was easier to take care of myself.
  • On a scale of 0-10 where 10 = miracle, and zero = the worst it has ever been, where would you say you are now? Pretty low, i’d say a 3. What do you need to do to get from here to just the next increment? (if you are at a 3 how can you get to a 4?) I guess i need to take care of myself better. I need to take time for myself and do things that make me feel powerful and adventurous – things just for me. I think the morning routine is important- i need to take a few minutes for myself every morning- wash my face, maybe meditate for a couple of minutes, and definitely eat breakfast.
  • What small action can you take this week to get this started? I’m going to register myself for that art class at the community centre. 

 

Feel free to contact me with any questions.

Tamar (Tami) Amit, M.A. RCC

About Tamar (Tami) Amit, M.A. RCC