The bigger problem – Protective Strategies

As important as our Core Beliefs are in the quality of our life, there is something that affects us even more and that is the protective strategies we create to protect our Core Beliefs from being proven as true.

Imagine a teacher telling a child in front of the class, “You are lazy and not worth my time!” As a consequence, the child feels sad, embarrassed, and alone. His/her/their subconscious mind tries to make sense of the experience, thereby creating a conclusion about the self (a core belief): “I am useless and weak.” To make sure no one ever finds out this “truth,” the child creates a strategy of protection: “I will never let people get close to me so they will never find out I am useless and weak! This strategy keeps their relationships superficial and meaningless, and the child – now an adult – continues to feel useless and weak.

Once our Core Beliefs are created, they become our biggest fear. We use much of our energy to make sure that they are not proven as true. We constrict, and hide and push people away – all to prevent the core belief from being proven as true.

To ensure that this belief is never again enacted, the Subconscious then creates a set of instructions (called protective strategies). The most common protective strategies are avoiding, sabotaging, deflecting, and appeasing.

The general thinking is:

“As long as I do (insert protective strategy), the Core Belief would stay hidden and unproven.”

But here is the problem. When first created, protective strategies were useful ways to stay safe, to belong, and to feel supported, but as we mature and as our world expands, the old strategies tighten around us like an old suit that no longer fits, creating disconnection and limitation in our lives.

Instead of disproving the core belief, the protective strategies reaffirm it!

This is huge! What was once protecting us, now is harming us and keeping us small and stuck.