The ‘I am incapable’ core belief

The Core Belief Quiz

 

The Core Belief that is sabotaging your life and blocking your growth is:

“I am incapable.”

Dear Friend,

Your core belief, “I am incapable” is a lie your brain has been telling you for years. You can come up with hundreds of experiences that supposedly prove this belief, but that is only because it controls what you pay attention to (and what you ignore), how you interpret the world, and how you make sense of your place in it. That’s why this belief seems valid, but it is not!

Perhaps people have explicitly said to you, “You were incapable” but they were unfortunately and wrongfully projecting onto you their own erroneous core beliefs.

You may already know in your conscious mind that this belief is false (and that’s great!), but in your subconscious mind, which controls up to 95% of your daily life, this belief is a foundational truth!

And so you continue to attract people and situations to your life that validate the belief, “I am a burden.”

Your own version of this core belief may be “I am useless,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I am weak”. These are just different versions of the same belief.

Becoming aware of your Core Belief is an essential part of taking back control of your life and creating the life you desire.

 

What about You?

You learned from a young age that doing well is the way to receive attention, support and love. You may have grown up with a parent who was not able to care for you or themselves and, as a result, you were forced to become overly capable. Being incapable may have not been an option for you as a child because it would have resulted in bad things happening.

You may have developed habits of over-functioning or alternatively, have given up trying to perform and have swung the pendulum in the opposite direction, toward defeat. You tend to have anxiety and feel overwhelmed when the pile of expectations (many of which are your own) gets too high, causing you to freeze. This is not a failure, but a sign from your Subconscious Mind that it’s time for rest and gentleness.

Your biggest fear is failure.

Being incapable or unable to perform is not an ego trip for you, your nervous experiences “failure” as dangerous and activates feelings of panic and deep shame.

Your challenge is to separate your worth from your ability to perform- these are two very different things. One is about who you truly are, and the other is simply about what you do on a particular task.

You tend to be a perfectionist.

You may find it difficult to ask for help and support because deep inside you believe that you should be able to do everything yourself. Asking for help makes you feel weak.

You create stories in your mind about why certain events occur (even ones that likely have very little to do with you) and you interpret them to mean that you are incapable. Here are some examples:

“I didn’t get perfect marks, therefore I am incapable”

“My relationship ended because I couldn’t make it work”

“My friend got sick because I couldn’t take care of them”

“My boss reprimanded me because I am useless”

“This project is taking a long time because I am incapable”

“The fact that I need help means I am incapable and weak”

What is a Core Belief?

A core belief (also called a limiting belief) is a biased conclusion about yourself created when you were a young child.

Imagine a five-year-old child signing a contract that determines everything that happens for the rest of his/her/their life. Seems unreasonable, right? Well, that is what a core belief is – an interpretation created during a vulnerable age when our understanding of reality is skewed and incomplete.

Once created, the belief acts as a lens through which you perceive everything that happens to you. Present in every interaction, it automatically poses the question, “What bad thing does this say about me?” (The answer is never good!)

Throughout your life, stimuli from either the internal or external environment can trigger this belief or “press its button,” activating shame, sadness, fear and other detrimental feelings, thus dominating your experience of reality.

You unintentionally communicate your core beliefs to other people, even when your words say the opposite. People unconsciously sense and respond to your core beliefs much more than to your words and actions.

All of us have two or three core beliefs that control our lives and block our growth. Every difficulty or elevated emotion you experience in your home, at work, or in any of your relationships is in fact, an activation of one of these core beliefs.

 

How is a Core Belief Created?

Core Beliefs are created through trauma.

A trauma is any experience (not necessarily something dire such as war, divorce, or a terrible accident) that causes us to feel sad, ashamed, scared, AND alone with our feelings.

In these moments of overwhelm, our subconscious mind attempts to regain a sense of control and safety (called equilibrium) by interpreting the data it receives from the external and internal environment and creating a conclusion about what it means.

That conclusion becomes a core belief.

Once that belief is activated, it becomes the thing we fear the most or our darkest shadow. To ensure that this belief is never again enacted, the Subconscious then creates a set of instructions (called protective strategies). The most common protective strategies are avoiding, sabotaging, deflecting, and attacking.

The general thinking is:

“As long as I do (insert protective strategy), the Core Belief would stay hidden.”

But here is the problem. When first created, protective strategies were useful ways to stay safe, to belong, and to feel supported, but as we mature and as our world expands, the old strategies tighten around us like an old suit that no longer fits, creating disconnection and limitation in our lives.

Instead of disproving the core belief, the protective strategies reaffirm it!

Imagine a teacher telling a child in front of the class, “You are lazy and not worth my time!” As a consequence, the child feels sad, embarrassed, and alone. His/her/their subconscious mind tries to make sense of the experience, thereby creating a conclusion about the self: “I am useless and weak.” To make sure no one ever finds out this “truth,” the child creates a strategy of protection: “I will never let people get close to me so they will never find out I am useless and weak! This strategy keeps their relationships superficial and meaningless, and the child – now an adult – continues to feel useless and weak.

 

What is Your Task on Earth?

Uncovering and releasing our core beliefs frees us to create a life that is authentic and joyful. Your task in this life is to unlearn every core belief and assign an opposite that works for you.

For example, below are some opposites for the core belief, “I am incapable.”

“I am capable.”

“I can do lots of things.”

“I don’t always have to be capable.”

“It’s okay to ask for help.”

“I am safe and supported.”

“My value is not dependent on my capability.”

 

Can you come up with a list of opposites for your core belief?