Not Getting Enough Support, Mama?

Not Getting Enough Support, Mama?

I used to be a Depleted Mom.

It wasn’t like I couldn’t get out of bed. In fact, I was very highly functioning – taking care of everything, and everyone around me.

But I was so grumpy, angry, and stressed-out that I resorted to constantly complaining, blaming, and focusing on the negative.

The truth is – I felt empty.

I had nothing left to give – to myself, or anyone else.

It took a sad, and sorrowful moment with my son for me to realize that he was paying attention. He was watching me feel empty, and unhappy. And worse – he was watching me do nothing about it other than blame, and complain.

When I finally decided to take control of my life…

Wait! Let’s re-phrase that:

When I finally decided that ONLY I COULD take control of my life…I took the tools that I had been teaching my clients for years, and used them on myself.

The first thing I did was to look at my need to do everything myself.

I used my Reveal, Release, Recover sequence.

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Reveal

I asked myself – what were the underlying fears – the ones I had been carrying since childhood – that got in the way of me creating more help for myself (even though, I so obviously needed it)?

I found out that asking for help makes me feel vulnerable, and NOT in-control. It reminds me that I am dependent on others (as we all are sometimes), and THAT freaks me out!

After all, depending on others is risky – you have less control over the outcome, less say during the process, more strings attached (can be tricky), and you open yourself up to rejection.

Once I revealed my core fear, I was able to move to the next stage.

Remove

I used tools like Focusing, EFT, and Imagery (all available in The Depleted Mother’s Guide to Wellness and Balance) to get in touch with my ‘gut level’ – the deepest level of my experience.

There is a reason why they call the gut – the second brain. It knows things that your brain doesn’t.

When you access the ‘gut level’, or the physical level of your experience – you go underneath the defences, the rationalizations, and the external appearances.

The lump in your throat, the heaviness in your heart, the tightness of your shoulders, the clenching of your jaw – those are all expressions of your ‘gut level experience’.

When you access that level with gentleness (and with the right tools), and follow it to wherever it may lead – you release the old fears, and reveal your natural tendency for patience, and compassion toward yourself (and others).

In other words, you become your own gentle, attentive, and compassionate parent.

Recover

Feeling stronger, and more confident, I asked my in-laws to consistently contribute some time (something I would have never done before). They offered a few hours every couple weeks.

Before, I would have dismissed the offer. “I need A LOT more than THAT”, I would have complained resentfully – ignoring the help that was right in front of my face.

But without the emotional blocks getting in the way (you know, the ego stuff), I graciously accepted the offer.

And you know what? I love those few hours every couple of weeks.

The help is consistent, specific, and set in place (I can plan for it, and I don’t have to ask again and again).

And feeling strong, and assertive for having created this help for myself, I continued to look for more help and support (paid. and otherwise).

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Creating more support in your life is the first step to finding your strength, patience and confidence.

Whether your underlying fear is feeling inadequate (because you can’t do it all yourself), out of control (because you WILL need to let others do things THEIR way), or being rejected (because they might say ‘no’) – it’s time to let it go.

If you are finding it difficult to do this for yourself, use this FREE Tool to remove the emotional blocks preventing YOU from creating more support for yourself, and your family.

Start your own transformation TODAY.

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Tamar (Tami) Amit, M.A. RCC

About Tamar (Tami) Amit, M.A. RCC